In Memory of Pawl 01/6/2021 – 12/21/2024
At each intersection of life, there are branching paths we can take. At every fork, every curling bend, a choice to make. We can choose betterment, we can choose to succumb, we can choose to rise above or fall below. No path is labeled for us as ‘correct’, there are only the choices we make.
Some cats are dealt a bad hand—medical issues, abandonment, abuse, and beyond. Pawl was dealt a physically bad hand, and at every intersection of life, he could have retreated within himself. He could have shied away from human touch, from the infinite joys of life, and be overcome with fear. Nobody would have blamed him for that, I think, after all that he went through.
Only, that is simply not the kind of cat Pawl was. Despite Pawl’s plethora of issues—relating to the GI, a neurogenic bladder from a tail-pull injury that required manual bladder expressions, and a history of FIP—Pawl chose the path of love, every time.
We know that Pawl’s journey started in Louisiana. He was rescued by APA, who handled his immense medical needs and got him through his first FIP treatment. He was even fostered and immensely loved, but it was known that Pawl needed something permanent: he needed a home. Options for homes are limited for our felvies, this we know well enough by now. But thankfully, Shadow Cats had room, and we welcomed Pawl home with open arms in October of 2023.
We expected him to perk up after his time in isolation. All cats need time to decompress and take in their surroundings. But Pawl was not perking up. He had severe diarrhea, and his bladder was incredibly difficult to express. Many long drives were taken to get Pawl to and from the vet. Many tears were shed as we did our best to keep him clean, happy, and healthy, with extra difficulty with his incontinence and simultaneous inability to urinate.
Through it all, Pawl was kind, loving, and gentle. He was the kind of cat that would see you crying and crawl into your lap. Would he smear you with a trail of poo as he did? Yes, absolutely, but that’s beside the point. As stinky and subdued as he was when he first got here, he captured everyone’s hearts immediately. We knew we had to do everything we could for this angel. After discussing symptoms and lab work with the incredible FIP Warriors, we realized the unfortunate truth: Pawl likely had FIP yet again.
So, he underwent treatment. Thankfully, this time he perked up…and he made it to Cookie’s Place! Cookie’s was a wonder to our dear Pawl. Sporting a fashionable diaper, he trotted the length of the room. Sometimes, he would even tear up the rug in a run and his little tail would flop about in the funniest way. Pawl was endlessly sweet, incredibly gentle, supremely playful and he never, ever ceased to make us laugh.
We knew from APA that Pawl adored kittens, and what a blessing that two found their way to Shadow Cats in December of 2023. Pawl immediately took to them. We loved to call him ‘Uncle Pawl’ when it came to kittens. He wasn’t the responsible parent that Pixie and Bob were, he was like the crazy uncle that took you out in his Oldsmobile to do doughnuts in a parking lot. With Purrsephone and Penelope, Pawl played. He wrestled. He cuddled. He mostly ran zoomies back and forth with them down the lengths of Cookie’s Place, diaper and all. What a beautiful thing, to see this adult cat acting like he’d never aged a day…just a big kitten, living life to the fullest in ways nobody could’ve conceptualized.
Pawl even got to ditch the diaper, eventually. While this meant we really had to watch our step, it also meant Pawl could run free without hindrance, though the designs on him were always so cute. And if you ever stepped on a Pawl Special, a little hershey’s kiss gifted from the sweetest lil angel, how could you be mad? You just say, “Oh, Pawl” give him a knowing sitcom smile, and wipe off the damage done.
He really melted our hearts. When carrying him to the work room for expressions, or to the exam room for a blood draw, Pawl loved to hug you. He’d nibble on your ear, eat your hair, and just generally rub his face all over you in a way that could warm the cockles of even the coldest heart. He trained us well to use churu as a distraction, and Pawl gained a generous amount of belly because of it…but who could turn down that cute little face? A tiny little head, the daintiest little paws, the silliest floppy tail. Everything about Pawl was designed by the Gods to ensnare your heart! He was precious in every single way.
Eventually, after the passing of his beloved kitten friends, we moved Pawl to Cookie’s Annex. This is where he discovered the magic of television. He would stand on the shelf nearest the TV, absolutely enraptured by fluttering hummingbird wings and chirps. What was so special about Pawl was that despite EVERYTHING, despite constant medical issues due to his fragile immune system, spinal damage, and beyond. Despite coming up with a new and strange medical diagnosis just to stump and confuse us, Pawl never lost his spirit.
Every day, Pawl would walk around as though the wonders of the world were at his paw pads rather than in the greater reaches of the world. Every turning leaf, every fluttering wing flap, every utterance of birdsong, every change of season, every echoed laugh, every gentle pet, every belly rub and forehead kiss, every pounce and sprint, every stretching sunbeam or secret treat…all of it was special. Pawl had a curiosity, a sweet spirit, a youthfulness that never left him. He had hard days, he had pains, he had dislikes…but somehow, always expressed in the gentlest way.
If only a youthful outlook was enough to persist forever, Pawl would have been carried into eternity. But Pawl had one problem, of all his problems, that we did not know about—a silent killer, HCM (hypertrophic cardiomyopathy). He had medical procedures before, never with issues. But our sweet angel, our precious boy, and sweetest of cats, did not make it through the recovery of his most recent procedure. With HCM, there are no heart murmurs. There are no obvious signs, and when it triggers, it is often for the first…and last time.
Pawl’s passing was a shock to us all. In it’s finality, we ached to hold him again. We yearned for those bright eyes to look up at us once more with all the breadth and warmth of their curiosity and shining spirit. But Pawl is not defined by his abrupt passing, none of us are. Pawl is defined by the way he lit up a room. He is defined by the laughter he inspired, and the love he instilled. He is defined by the choice he made, every day, to be love incarnate, to love despite hardship, to trust despite pain. Pawl is defined by the character all of us will carry in our hearts, by the stories we’ll tell, and by the way his legacy will be carried fondly, warmly, endlessly.
Pawl will never again have to know pain or struggle. Now, the same pawprints impressed upon our hearts press into the dewy grass of an endless glade. At the first step of the rainbow bridge, our Purrsephone and Penelope wait for him. Together, they guide him across in a full sprint, to the eternal earth where they can run forever, Pawl’s tail flopping about just as it had in our very own Cookie’s Place.
Thank you to our amazing volunteers who ensured that Pawl’s time was filled with love. Thank you to our incredible staff, who nursed Pawl back to health a countless number of times and did it with smiles on their faces, who loved him so deeply that we’ll never forget. Thank you to his incredible sponsors, Allie W, Brittney G, Sarah S, Sheri B, and Amy J, who kept Pawl close to their hearts. Thank you to Vista Vet for his incredible care. Thank you to anyone who looked at that little tuft of white hair on Pawl’s chest and thought it was just the cutest thing.
On our last car ride together, I reflected on all the ways we loved Pawl, and found they were innumerable. Suffice it to say, we love you, Pawl. And we always will.
Pawl had 5 Sponsors
Allison Wassel
Brittney Gonzalez
Sarah Sammon
Sheri Biggs
Amy Juried